comic updated December 03, 2008

All right, I just watched "Speed Racer," and I really liked it. I liked it at LEAST ten times more than I liked the "Matrix" trilogy, despite the fact that, with the exception of the "Matrix Reloaded" rave scene, it is almost equally as retarded.

The difference, of course, being that in this instance the retardation harkens back to the charming, innocent retardation of the original "Speed Racer" animated series, as opposed to simply introducing NEW retarded concepts into our already-dangerously-betarded world.

The movie does, in fact, come very close to being a high-definition version of the original cartoon, with extensive -- not necessarily well-implemented -- visual bells and whistles, and even a bit of heart. That's right, by choosing a target that originally had about as much personality as a black office stapler, the Wachowski brothers actually introduced a deeper layer of characterization into the world, as opposed to when they created the black hole of personality that was Neo. 

Is it a good movie? To be honest, I'm not even sure it qualifies as a movie. It recieved mainly negative reviews, but, I ask you, can you assign a star rating to candy? The experience of watching "Speed Racer" is most like chewing up a cherry and a lemon Starburst at the same time. If you could do so for two hours.

Anyway, anybody looking for dumb, fun entertainment  for the family this holiday season, you might as well give it a shot. As a great narrator once said:

"Racer X is secretly Speed's brother Rex."

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