comic updated October 20, 2008

It occurs to me that Paul W. S. Anderson, director of the "Mortal Kombat" and "Resident Evil" movie adaptations, as well as "Alien Versus Predator" and the "Death Race" remake, may be the world's most-consistent director. He's not abysmally awful, he's not particularly good, he never raises his bar too high or stoops too low. He displays no growth or ambition. Other directors fluctuate; Paul W. S. Anderson is a rock.

He is a rock in the shape of a two-star review.

If he was given the script to "Casablanca," it would be released as a two-star movie. He is bound to that quality level, like a planet in an orbital path. This isn't always a bad thing -- I have a feeling that if he had been given charge of the "House of the Dead" movie, it would have come out as a two-star film as well. You can't say much about that, except that it would be two stars better than Uwe Boll's treatment.

My guess? He's a robot, designed specifically for the purpose of making just-below-average licensed movies. With Anderson, you don't get surprises at the box office. He turns in a movie, it's a fair bet the studio already knows exactly how much they're going to make off of it. Aint gonna make a blockbuster, no, but at least he's consistent -- a solid investment in these harsh economic times. That his movies steal just a little bit of your soul upon every viewing, well, gotta expect a little of that.

Paul W. S. Anderson, we salute you, and your lukewarm creative output!

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